This column first appeared in the Nov. 30 Herald-Leader. Responses will appear in the blog and also in Sunday editions of the Herald-Leader. — Cheryl Truman
I’m in a reading drought. Can you help?
I didn’t read a book last weekend.
I might not read one next weekend, either.
I remember the moment when it hit me that maybe I had simply spent too much time reading, that I’d hit a patch when having all the books you can carry becomes no longer enough.
It was at the Kentucky Women Writers Conference on Sept. 12, right before Joyce Carol Oates stood up, and in that tiny crystalline voice of hers, held hundreds of audience members spellbound.
It was while novelist Laura Benedict was speaking. As Benedict spoke about her life and read the first chapter to her upcoming novel, Calling Mr. Lonelyhearts, I had a chance to wonder about the net effect of all those decades of reading.
I kept that fixed glaze of a smile on my face — I’m enjoying this, because I am a Thoughtful Literate Citizen! — but I was wondering: Have I lost my reading verve if I don’t want to read this book? In the first chapter, teen girls were behaving with raucous bad-girl abandon, and we saw some indication that said abandon would have Far-Reaching Consequences, the kind of consequences not apparent in a Single Thoughtless Moment When the Characters Are Oh-So-Young. Will there be Dean Koontz-style gore and vengeance?
Suddenly, the thought of reading another novel in which thoughtless behavior by finely etched batches of character traits affects countless lives seemed like a demand to sprint up the nearest mountain.
What did Benedict’s novel remind me of? John Irving? The Dive Off Clausen’s Pier? Ann Rule?
Or was it a movie: Mean Girls? The Craft?
It was a painful moment. (I would say a tipping point, after Malcolm Gladwell’s term for moments when a phenomenon gains enough steam to propel itself out of a niche and into the mainstream, but “tipping point” long ago reached the tipping point of being a cliché.)
So I fell into a reading depression. I continued to report and do some editing. But I was not a happy reader.
And then I fell ill for a few weeks, and I had the chance to wander through my house, tipping open the books I had scattered around the house for years and reading as a raspy chest and aching head would allow: This must be why I left Portrait of a Lady on a basement desk for nearly six years, collecting a patina of cat hair, Lysol and dust, for that serendipitous moment when I happened upon it just before I fell on the nearby floor to take a rest.
Still, it was reading in fits and starts — a best-of textbook for the middle-aged woman. Once the antibiotics kicked in, I was unhappily prowling again. Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar has been sitting on the bedside table for two years now: Geez, crack it open. One day, I thought the Girl With a Dragon Tattoo seemed like a full weekend of reading. I got over it.
I find myself looking back at the now-defunct Common Reader catalog, which had that snappy list of books for people who wanted to read-read: not read to please a constituency, or read to passive-aggressively taunt their peers, but to read because there’s joy in it.
I lost that joy, somewhere.
I’ve seen more books than any one person without an English major’s syllabus, or a full-time reviewing job, could absorb.
I’ve also had the responsibility of informing scads of people that, no matter how very well they think of themselves, their work, their personal history and their on-demand publisher, I can’t help them. Some insist that I don’t understand. If I understood, everyone would want to read their books. If I understood, America would know their names and maybe Oprah would hear about them, and then? The odds are like those in Powerball, except that Book Bingo requires a byline.
We tell ourselves that reading is everything. We go to bookstores and pose with books: Are these the right Birkenstocks for this book? Is my latte prominent enough? Are these reading glasses ironic, or is somebody going to mistake us for a Sarah Palin wannabe?
We leave books lying around that suggest that we have a depth that we do not. We nod at literary references when we only have the foggiest notion of what they mean: Voltaire, check. Chuck Palahniuk: Well, you saw Fight Club. Good enough.
And then, at the lowest point of a reading skid, we hit moments when we’re content to spend a season on the sofa, watching marathons of A&E’s Intervention and maybe something with Judi Dench in it, so that our intellectual teeth don’t rot. (And that’s on a good day: More often lately, I think that bourgy.com — slogan: “Where smart people dumb down” — has a point, and that as the economy flails, we all secretly want to watch the peroxide screech of low-rent conspirators. Or, as cable defines it, VH-1.)
I’m in a reading drought.
Where’s the book that will change my mind?